The past few weeks I have been in a slump. I have felt disconnected and unlike myself towards God. I haven't been reading my bible, I have been annoyed with Christian music, I haven't been praying very thoughtful prayers. I have just been in a funk. I don't know what is wrong. I have so many blessings in my life right now and all of them point directly to God. He is giving me the desires of my heart, and yet I feel so far away from Him right now. It is one of those, it's not you, it's me type of relationships. I have no desire to study or connect with God right now. It really hurts me to type that, but just keeping it real.
This morning in church our pastor was giving a message to our seniors. He was talking about being a witness when you go off to new places. One of the points he made was about how you need to protect your heart and your head. I haven't done a good job of this. I have let myself get out of a routine and become overtaken with things of this world.
I'm just about positive that is part of the reason for this weird place I am in right now. You know how people say, "things can change in an instant?" (If not- you definitely don't watch Grey's Anatomy- Ugh that finale!) Well something wonderful happened recently that rocked my world. From the moment I received this blessing, my outlook changed. I immediately became afraid of doing anything irrational or 'radical'. I wanted to blend in and do everything the "normal" way. I feel like the hubz and I are no longer free to just float around and do whatever we want to do. Suddenly, I am afraid of what God might be calling us to do.
As I am writing this, it is becoming very therapeutic. I'm starting to realize that maybe I have been avoiding God because I feel guilty. I cannot seem to get it through my head that God is GOOD and His plans are to PROSPER us, NOT to HARM us. Our joy is found in HIM, not in things of this world. I know these things, I have experienced these things, yet I am numb to them at the moment.
I don't really have a way to end this post. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life, yet feel so unsatisfied because I am missing my true relationship with Jesus. Please just pray that I will get back in the swing of things and I can get out of this weird place. I know this is a really downer post, I really am so thankful and grateful for my life and all the blessings. Just keeping it real over here!!
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