The trouble with IF.

Ryan and I have some great things going on in our lives right now. Some of those things are public knowledge and some of them aren't ready to be shared. All of the stuff we have going on is really exciting, IF it all works out. IF....that is a word that has been haunting me the past few months. I have been caught off guard by how much I let the implications of that word harden my heart. I have started not allowing myself to get excited because what IF it doesn't work out? The IF has really crushed my spirits and so not typically my style. I think because I want this stuff to happen so badly that I am trying to guard myself from disappointment. One example is our adoption. I am really so excited about it, but I haven't even let myself go to the true excitement of becoming a mom. I just keep thinking what if Ethiopia closes the doors to adoption? What if the wait gets even longer? Will I ever get my Ethiopian baby? Then comes the doubts of what will happen IF I get a baby... What if he has too many issues for me to handle? What if he doesn't attach to me? What am I doing!! It is a deadly spiral and the devil definitely steals my joy, kills my excitement, and destroys my mood! And this my friend, is not the way I want to live my life. I want to rest in the fact that my God is working for my good. I was created to do GOOD works that he has prepared in advance for me to do. He will sustain me and be my rock. He is who I want to focus on and be excited about! So that is what I am trying to do. Focus on God and know that whatever does happen is going to be for GOOD! I am going to try and let myself get excited and break past the wall of doubt because I was created to enjoy life and be the light of the world! How can I be the light if I am afraid to shine?!